Another Valentines Day…
Ty is at the Daytona 500 this weekend with his friend Bing. He has wanted to go for many years now, as he attended the first Daytona 500 that was run on a track instead of on the beach in 1959 – it was about time for him to go again. I don’t know if it was on his bucket list, but I thought it best to be enjoyed with his buddy. They rode their motorcycles so they could go right up to the front to avoid lines and parking lot gridlock – since I don’t ride the bike anymore, I opted out. Ty wanted me to go with them, and even said he didn’t mind driving the car, but given that I am not a huge Nascar fan (I know that is shocking to some of you), I am home.
I enjoyed a wonderful dinner last night at Lemongrass in Boca with Teresa and since we were up really late chatting away like the girlfriends we are and I didn’t go to sleep until 3am.
Five hours later I was jolted into my morning by the sun and ACDC on my cell phone. It was Ty – ‘Good Morning HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! We will go out to dinner when I get back from Daytona on Monday night, okay?’
I laughed because Valentines Day as been a source of a lot hurt for me over the years. There was a time in my twenties when all I wanted from him was a Valentines card, flowers, or candy. The other wives got flowers at work – where were mine? During one crying tirade I screamed that he could take a red Crayola and draw a heart on a piece of copy paper and I would be happy.
Ty’s position on Valentines Day was that he didn’t want to be forced to do something. You have heard it before – Valentines Day is a made up holiday and that he treats me well and buys me things 364 other days of the year, so why make a big deal out of the 365th one? I had girlfriends who were treated poorly in general, but they got giant displays of roses. The salesmen who were known cheaters had the secretaries arrange to send the most extravagant gifts of chocolates and flower.
I stayed with friends Nancy and Tom Markovich one year after giving Ty a pre Valentines Day ultimatum. The flowers arrived on the tenth day and I packed up and went home.
About ten years ago, I decided to stop causing myself such agita over a holiday. Even though he was wrong in ignoring my feelings, I let go of my insecurities and bought myself a little something for February 14th. I gave up on making him buy me a valentine. When I abandoned my fight to be recognized and stopped making a fuss over my own expectations, my husband suddenly began observing Valentines Day.
I look back and I can’t believe I placed so much value on whether someone bought me a gift, when the true gift is how he loves me every day.
The phone call this morning meant more to me than forced flowers ever could.