I wanted to take a moment and talk to those of you who are pregnant, trying to become pregnant or hoping to in the future.
I lost 256 pounds and maintained for 3 years. I was doing great, I didn’t eat any of the crap and stayed true to my plan. Life was wonderful. Once I finally decided it was my time to become a Mama – I blessed myself with a very planned pregnancy.
I thought I had all the answers, my Dr was the head of medicine and he was watching me very closely. I was his first bariatric patient who was pregnant and we were learning together. We googled, we called Dr’s back in the states (I was living overseas in Japan on a US military base) and we spoke to my surgeon once a week.
Guess what? We messed up big time. We decided that the best thing for me was bedrest, carb reintroduction, and drinking hot tea while I ate to facilitate more consumption. We were both nervous, I was terrified, at that point I had lost 6 pregnancies and this was going to be my last try. He said eat bread, I ate bread. He said eat more potatoes and bananas, and I did.
I ate and I ate, and I was sick, and didn’t walk and layed in bed, snacking and watching the seasons change.
I also gained around 55 pounds. My baby boy was born healthy and absolutely perfect in August of 2011.
My Dr was elated that we were able to go through and have a “normal” pregnancy. We thought, “continue to eat like you did while pregnant, you’re nursing and your body is healing” and due to my emergency C-Section — I wasn’t able to really do much for a long time.
I gained again. The excuses upon excuses upon excuses turned into bad choices, and dumping every other day. I managed to cut the bread but there were so many bariatric websites that preached “EAT IN MODERATION” “ONE BITE CAN’T KILL YOU” “TORTILLAS ARE SAFE” etc etc. I followed one for awhile — gained again. I started the Paleo diet — dumped every time I ate. I did Atkins — gained. I tried everything…because I thought that at 5 years after my RNY — my pouch was broken, I had given away my tool in exchange for this perfect little human in my arms. And I was okay with that.
Enter September 2015. I had been divorced, moved across the country and was sick. Everyday I was sick. I decided to start trying to look into revision. I found this site. Susan Maria’s book was my bible while I was in Japan – I had no support, my Dr was back in Texas, my medical team on base had never had a bariatric patient. In 2008 you weren’t even supposed to get medical clearance from the military to go overseas if you had WLS. I trusted SML’s book in 2008 and I decided to trust her again. She got me through dumping my first time, she talked about how to deal with family and drinking and what to eat in her book. When I got here, I found out that so many people were in the same boat as me. Regain. It’s embarrassing. I felt like “I had an excuse — I had a baby”. An excuse is like a butt…everyone has one. When do we let go of our excuses and really give our choices a once over — thats when we hit rock bottom.
I did that. I joined, I cried, and I listened. I whined, I complained and I justified. And then I pulled up my plus sized pants and got on the BOT train. I’ve lost 46 pounds since then, I’m stalled currently but I’m shooting to lose back to before my pregnancy and get down to a goal I never hit the first time around.
I’m telling you all my story because it’s a cautionary tale of what happens when you start making excuses for bad choices. Babies are being born to WLS patients daily now and they are making better choices than I did. They are not gaining heaps of weight and justifying it for 4 years after. They are not finding themselves running for Mayor of Regainville.
I hope that each and everyone one of you embarking on the journey of Motherhood finds it as beautiful as I do. I also hope you don’t make the same mistakes I did. Losing the second time around sucks.